There is a famous quote by Bill W. the Co-Founder of Alcoholics Anonymous that sounds something like, “…AA is really a spiritual kindergarten.” An interesting statement, a dictum to which I have always been drawn, always found compelling, and have spent years discerning. What was the message Bill was trying to say to us here? We will not of course ever know his true meaning, but the dictum lends itself to interpretation.
Through my time in the 12 Step lifestyle and collective, I continually found myself interested in the specific acts of steps 3 and 11. Personally, I found these two steps to be the most important in the process ; a commitment to a way of life, and a commitment to continually seek and deepen that way of life. Through my initiation into the world of Jungian and depth psychologies the 11th step specifically found new meaning for me, and I began to understand it as a vehicle.
Through ones deepening into a longing for depth, or a new relationship with God, one might find themselves living in a state of paradox all of a sudden, or they will begin to see yet another opportunity to experience God. This is the true gold of the 11th Step, not only opportunities to experience God, also a vehicle into paradox ; something that in my experience can prove difficult for 12 step practitioners. The 11th Step is a launching pad – but, it is not a launching pad to deepen the 12 step experience, it is to leave it…
Most of us who have felt this call, or experienced it have felt apprehension and fear. Yet, when one accepts this moment as the call of Soul, initiation, and the commencement of the original task of recovery ; to confront the shadow through spirit as means to clear the way for soul work. Remember, in previous post we have followed Jung’s direction, “…first shadow, then anima.” It is the true work of the 11th step to bring one down off of the original heroic mountaintop of recovery, and into the underworld of post-recovery…
In Depth Recovery when one arrives at this juncture, of paradox, of Soul, of longing, one is no longer in the original experience of recovery, it has ended. Yes, it has ended, as all things do. It does not however stop, it is transformed, it becomes something new, a new experience, a new consciousness, and one begins the journey of Post-Recovery.
Imagine, still sitting at your kindergarten desk, all these years later…
“…I was becoming mediocre, a grey man in a grey chair. So, though I love you, depth psychology, I can’t stay in the same house with you. We’ve both changed too much. Once you were like an artist, and now you’re a homemaker. You never go out in the street ; you’ve become content with yourself ; what you say doesn’t seem at all relevant. I can’t bear the way you think and use language. You take pills. No one really crazy ever comes to call. I want to be loyal to our vow ; but there is more death in staying than in parting….
I’m not burnt out. That’s not the case. No ashes, no disgust, no frustration. Simply, my emotion and my humor have left the consulting room. I wasn’t incompetent. I hadn’t failed. I can still do a pretty decent hour. I have an ear and a skill (but the practice of something is not justification enough for its practice..) My heart left therapy and it would be malpractice to do soul work without heart…”
James Hillman, italics added
